This is one of those stories that is not all light and fluffy. For me to write this now is actually quite emotional to think I’m putting it out into the world for anyone to read and know about. It’s actually really fucking unnerving!! I don’t make these kinds of things a big secret, but I am not prone to just tell the details of abuse. This kind of thing is not easy for anyone, especially when you have been told you deserved it for whatever reason some jackass could come up with, that’s including the voice within your own head.
The visitor came one evening while I was in the middle of a clairvoyant session with a friend. Everything was rolling along smoothly, as I was sharing with her what her very bubbly guide was speaking of. Then out of nowhere and very unexpectedly appeared the spirit of a man who was bound in shackles. Everything about his appearance to me was dark and dingy. On both sides of him were two huge angels, that told me they were escorting him through the world as he made apologies and amends to those who he had hurt. Within seconds it came to me very clearly who he was when he was in a body, how I knew him and why he was there to visit me. It was a good thing that the person with me was a friend who knew many things about me, so I was safe to express what was happening and the emotions it was bringing up for me.
At that time period of life I was dealing with and healing a lot of sexual abuse that had happened to me since I was a young girl into my years as a young woman. It was quite apropo that this being would be showing up. If I remember correctly he had passed from this world not long before and his consciousness when he was alive, was that he was to pay penance for his sins. I had never seen this type of reconciliation happen with a spirit, but I’m always experiencing and learning something new.
When he was in a body he took advantage of me when I was at a very low, vulnerable and extremely intoxicated moment. It was the first night that I danced as a stripper and it was all nude on top of it, so there was nothing to hide behind. As you can imagine I got very drunk to even step on stage and then I continued to drink from the experience. I was obliviated and then everything went black until I woke up the next morning naked beside this man. He worked and lived above the club. I could tell something sexually happened while I was unconscious and I was devasted. I got out of bed and sat in the hallway crying until I could pull myself together. I was already at such a low point with my self esteem and life experience so far, I gathered that maybe it just wasn’t going to get any better and that was life. When I spoke to the club owners girlfriend later that evening about what had happened, she said “oh honey these things happen you’ll be okay”. So there I was, finally telling someone about a sexual act that I did not want to happen to me, to be told that I just needed to deal and get on with myself. I went on with my life, but just like any other abusive experience it lingers in the back of your mind and being, hanging in a closet for you to beat yourself up with at any given time.
The time had come for this spirit and I to both be free from our experience together and have forgiveness. His spirit spoke to me, telling me that he was sorry for inflicting pain, suffering and more cause for me to hate myself. I forgave his soul and my own self through many tears and sadness releasing from my heart. As I did so, I could see the energy about him becoming lighter and brighter and the same for myself, as we were both released from the darkness we had been residing in. It was actually very pleasant and the light of love came to fill up the space the darkness left from. That spirit thanked me, then he and his angel guards disappeared as quickly as they appeared. They were onto the next soul to release more of the darkness he had created and inflicted upon the world.
The effect we have upon each other, our own being and ultimately the state of the world is immense. Freedom of choice is ours without a doubt and what you choose does affect others, whether you see it or not. There is a good reason for the saying ” treat others as you would like to be treated”. Something to keep in mind as we walk through this life!
BTW….it was freaky as can be that he appeared looking the way he did and so unexpected, but I will always be grateful he showed up and scared the shit out of me that way. That was the best scary moment ever, to actually receive an apology for abuse done to me. If a ghost from your past shows up on a spirit or physical level stand still and look for the healing. It’s just another choice we have to heal or be hurt again.
You are a courageous lady. Thank you for sharing this story. xo